A collection of literary--
FUNNY pieces for a laugh
TOUCHING works for the heart
and INSPIRATIONAL writings for a better view of life.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Funny Short Stories 1

I've read these funny short stories from a wonderful site called dhamma T Intan, let me share it with you. 

“Smart Kid?” 
Little Bobby greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy, guess what?
Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and …”
The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."

Not long later, the father came home and the wife told him that she would be leaving him.
"But why?" croaked the husband.

"Go ahead, Bobby, tell Daddy just what you told me."

"Well," said little Bobby, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Joe Honny”

White Hair
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied,
'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

At The Grave …
After placing some flowers on the grave of his mother who had recently passed away, a man noticed another man kneeling at a grave a distance away. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity.
The first man approached this man and heard him wailing at the tombstone,“Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man was rather puzzled and said to him,
“Sir, I don’t mean to interfere with your private grief. For whom do you mourn so deeply …
A child, a parent or an intimate friend?”
The mourner replied after a moment, “My wife’s first husband.”


Missing Husband
A middle-aged woman went with her neighbor to the local police station to report about her missing husband. She was asked to give a description of his appearance.

She said, “He’s tall and handsome - 36 years old, 6 foot 1, has blue eyes and wavy hair, weighs 160 pounds with an athletic built, speaks kindly and takes good care of the children.”

Her neighbor was quite shocked at her description. After filing the report, on the way back,
the neighbor exclaimed, “But your husband does not look the way you described … he’s short with a pot belly, his head is bald, he speaks in a rough manner and is impatient with children …”

The wife replied, “I know but who would want such a man back?”

The Three Wishes 
A man walking along a beach came upon a lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it. A genie shot out and granted him three wishes.
The man first wished for a million dollars and a million dollars appeared near him.
Then he wished for a Ferrari and a Ferrari appeared behind.
“As for my last wish,” the man said, “I’d like to be irresistible to women.”
POOF! The man turned into a box of chocolates.


Things people actually said in court, word for word: ( Mind losing Clarity … )

# 1 Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

#2 Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

#3 Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

#4 Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

#5 Q: How old is your son-the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

#6 Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

#7 Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

#8 Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well I can see pretty well I think.

#9 Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played horn for ten years. I even went to school for it.

#10 Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do? 

#11 Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

#12 Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

#13 Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

#14 Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August eighth?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

#15 Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

#16 Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

#17 Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

#18 Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

#19 Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

#20 Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

#21 Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

#22 Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

#23 Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

source: dhamma T Intan blogsite

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